schizophrenia at its best

be amazed. be very amazed.

2008-10-16T20:40:00.003+08:00

it's amazing how, after knowing people for so many years, you find out plenty of fun stuff about them only later.

let's talk about the phenomenon we call... dance dance revolution. (lol. XD) normally, it's a fun game. aside from the adrenaline rush it gives you when you step on the pad, it feeds you illusions that you can actually dance... or at the very least, move to a certain beat.

but honestly. i'm not talking about that. it'd be such a drag. what i'm going to talk about are these three people: imang. val. sheldon. on the dance pad. HAHAHA.

now. imang is known to be a squealer. i mean, literally a squealer. when she's... very frustrated about something, she squeals. or when she's particularly amused, she squeals. so you could just imagine her on the dance pad, when she was trying to step on the right arrows, while timing it to the beat... GOD. it was priceless. in short: ang mapoise na si imang, ay naging... squealing machine. and she struggled a lot of times too. HAHAHA. love you mang. <3

and now let's talk about val. VAAAL. the phenomenon that is val. naamuse gud siya sa dance pad. as in super. to the point na lahat na lang ng buttons gusto niyang apakan. to the point na every time nagapili si imang ng kanta kay ginapress niya ang select button randomly, kaya nagiging random--not to mention mahirap--ang mga ginasayaw ni imang. tapos ang best part niyan, kapag ayaw ni imang ang mapili, ginahapak niya si val, tapos nagasqueal ulit siya. tapos nagalaugh lang si val. HAHAHAHA.

tapos. si sheldon. oh, si sheldon. ang pacifier/instigator ng katatawanan. magaling siya magdance pad, mind you. pero. kapag nagasqueal si imang. grabe ang tawa niya. i mean, ginapagtawanan talaga niya si imang. tapos. kapag ginagaraan naman namin si imang, siya ang nagastop sa'min. san ang hustisya sheldon??? hahahaha. joke lang. pero bitaw. kalingaw ni sheldon. magaling siya. yeeeey. :D

so there goes my dance revo experience. LOVELY. :)

neveeer

2008-10-10T21:27:00.004+08:00

it started out really innocent. this game of chicken. breva kept on hitting, and hitting, and hitting my hand, and i kept on taking the hit. until i evaded...

and breva hit...

THIS.

and caused...

THIS.

eventually, the friendly staff cleaned it up. and it became shiny like...

don't you just love mcdo staff, brevs??? HAHAHAHA.

note to self: never play chicken whenever there's a coke float in sight. bow. :)

I'm Tired

2008-10-01T21:18:00.002+08:00

i'm tired of taking all this crap from you.

you hurt me once. you told me it was over. and now you come back, and act as if you never said it was over, as if you never hurt me.

guess what.

i'm not taking you back. i'll do my best to be gentle about rejecting you, but unless you come clean about this whole thing, don't expect any kindness from me.

i'm sick and tired. and you know why.

Torn

2008-08-31T20:51:00.002+08:00

dellineating has never been so damn difficult. suddenly now, i find myself trying to differentiate the want to see reality, and the need to see reality. i want to see you in this way, but i need to see you in this way. haha. ang hirap i.gets. okay. so i'm beginning to find humor in this. that's good i guess.

i don't want this to go downhill.

You Make Falling In Love Easy To Do

2008-08-30T22:38:00.001+08:00

as the title states.

you make falling love easy to do. :)

ADVENT CHILDREN ROCKS

2008-08-23T21:33:00.002+08:00

ohemgeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.

grabe. promise. like. all the waiting for the videos to upload was worth it. KAGANDA NG FINAL FANTASY 7 ADVENT CHILDREN. MAKALAWAY. AS IN SUPER.

alam mo ung. kahit na 3D siya. kaganda. ang fighting scenes, grabe. ASTEEEEG. makaduling na makalaki ng mata na makahulog-jaw na ewan. PROMISE. alam mo ung. nagahang na lang ako habang pinapanood ko ung mga fighting scenes. tapos. kaastig nung fighting scene nina tifa at loz. WAAAAH. i love the flowers and the grass effect, ung palipad-lipad. WAAAAAAAAAAAAH.

tapos. KAGWAPO NINA CLOUD AT KADAJ. AT NI YOOL. OMGEEEE. isa pa tong makatulo ng laway. WAAAH. hindi mo mahate sina kadaj at yool, kahit na kalaban sila, kasi kalovely nila. PROMISE. si Kadaj, kalost boy niya na ewan. parang. gusot mo siyang ihug dahil sa kanyang pagkaloyal kay sephiroth, tsaka sa kanyang pagiging 'tool' lang. maawa ka sa kanya, kahit na parang ka strong niya. tapos si yool. parang. OHEM. kaganda ng kanyang baril. and kaganda ng kanyang hair. MAKAINGGIT.

and si cloud. SI CLOUD. with all the blond hair and cold attitude. craaaap. napaka. NAPAKAIDEAL! ayloooooooove him na talaga. must. HUG. ALL. THAT. SADNESS. AND. LONELINESS. AWAY. WAAAAAAAAAAH.

okay. adik na talaga ako. ADIIIIIK. HAHAHA. :)

Bonding Moments

2008-08-22T09:15:00.002+08:00

bonding moments are always so nice. i love 'em.

you get to talk ceaselessly, and no one cares if you rant/bitch/gush about something. it's all... free-flowing conversation. honest conversation. it's so different from the pretentious, sickening facade of the world. it's so different from them.

i need more bonding moments with people. no, wait. let me rephrase that. i need more people to bond with. hahaha. bonding with people makes me feel all warm and fulfilled inside. :)

because i'm so over you. :)

Murderous Intentions

2008-08-18T21:44:00.002+08:00

yes. as the title states, i am about ready to kill right now. blessed be every little thing that crosses my way right now--pray i don't have anything sharp in my hands, or anything hard, for that matter.

i've kept it in for the past few days, but i have had enough. a human heart can only take in so much, and well, I'M OVERFLOWING, DAMNIT. every word that comes out of my mouth is like venom ten times that of the world's most poisonous snake--and that's only the tip of the iceberg, deary. it's only 1/10 of the entire thing. wait for the rest of whole to come.

now, i'm not one to do hate posts. i don't believe it does justice to anyone, at all. pero umaapaw na talaga ang galit ko. kulang na lang siguro maglakad-lakad ako sa labas para maramdaman ng lahat kung gano ako kagalit. feel ko nageemanate na ako ng itim na energy sa sobrang galit. pwede na siguro akong maging si kamatayan, kung makita niyo lang talaga ako ngayon.

bakit nga pala ako galit? hmmmm. hindi lang man ako napapaligiran ng mga unfair na tao no. hindi lang man ako napapaligiran ng mga mangagamit no. hindi lang man ako napapaligiran ng mga taong walang pakialam sa nararamdaman ng iba no. hindi lang man, ems. hindi lang man.

hay. makainis ang world. inis na gani ako sa sarili ko, inis pa ako sa ibang tao. ewan na lang kung may patutunguhan pa ba ito. KAGUBOT MAN GUD NG WORLD. sa sobrang gubot niya, parang kasarap niyang itear apart lang tapos irearrange ulit. para lahat happy. walang iyak-iyak. walang away-away. kay gusto ko na ng peace ba. PEEEAAAACE.

sigh. kaineffective ko gumawa ng hate post. magend na lang ako dito ui. bago pa ako makasabi ng names. makasabi pa ako ng mga kasalanan ko.

siguro nga nasasaktan ako. pero would you even care enough to see it???

Hate Post-ish Lang Naman

2008-08-16T21:56:00.004+08:00

Right now, I really don't feel like gushing about the Fiesta. While I know it's worth gushing about--the rides, the people, the moments, everything that was spectacular about it--I just don't feel like doing it now. I wanna give it justice, and I'm giving it justice by finding the right time to post a proper gush about it. Lol. :)

However, I do wanna talk about certain stuff... like, people, and decisions.

People. Oh. The most complex beings God has ever created. Just when you think you know them, they turn a complete 180 degrees and surprise you. Who knew that they could ever be the opposite of whom you viewed them to be? I certainly didn't. And I certainly didn't expect it when he/she reared that ugly head towards me and bit my head off. Okay. So maybe I did. Cause there were signs. He/She'd done that to me so many times before, and I just chose to be blind about it, which is why right now it's coming as a surprise--but it doesn't really matter. Because what really matters is that you get over yourself, and I get over myself. I'm not a hypocrite. I won't wash my hands clean of any mistake I committed; but before you point fingers at anyone else, look at yourself first. I've let you pass a lot of times; I've let you hurt me more times than I can imagine; and yet, you keep on repeating the same things over and over and over again. It's like you can't feel me getting hurt. It's like you don't care that I get hurt at all.

It's like we aren't friends, dude. Parang. Close tayo isang araw; sa susunod, tapos na tayo. Tapos kapag may kailangan ka, ako na ang last resort. Oh, don't think I don't know. I offer a shoulder, and you, what do you do? You find another shoulder. Question lang ha: Am I not good enough anymore? Since when? And why? You better tell me straight out. Kasi hindi lang ako ang nasasaktan. MAY IBA NA RING NASASAKTAN.

Oo. Marami rin akong pagkakamali. Nasaktan na rin kita. Pero justified ba tong lahat ng ginagawa mo sa'kin? Is this your plan for vengeance at its best? Or are you really just unaware about all of this happening? Aba, ewan ko. Kaya nga tinanatanong kita e. Para magkalinawan na tayo. I'm tired of this happening. I'm tired of having to go through the same thing over and over. Damaged na ako masyado ba. Kung alam mo lang talaga. Baka isang araw magulat ka na lang kay hindi ko na kayang kimkimin ang lahat.

Pero. Know what. Love pa rin naman kita. Kaya hindi kita ipagkakanulo. I'll still be here; I'll still be supportive, hanggang sa makakaya ko pa. Kaya lang, reminder lang nga:

I'm at the verge of my sanity already.

You Deserve Better, Girl

2008-08-10T17:48:00.003+08:00

look. i know it feels wonderful to love. and to be loved in return. but because we live in reality, not all of us get our happy endings. so when you don't get your happy ending, what do you do?

simple.

remember that you have a 'me' to take care of.

what do i mean?

i mean that you still have yourself to pay attention to, dearest. all these years, when you traveled all those roads and encountered all those obstacles, who did you have? (aside from the parents, if you're thinking that.) when you tripped, fell, got bruised and broken, and decided to pick yourself up, who made that decision and who did you make it for?

if you answered someone else's name to those questions, you may want to reconsider knocking on the door of your heart and asking whoever's inside there to wake up. (no sarcasm or pun intended.)

however, if you answered 'me', or 'I did it for myself', then you know what I'm getting at. In the end, dear, all you'll ever really have is yourself. i the beginning, it was what you had, and you're going to end with it. and no, this isn't some article that's teaching you to be narcissistic, or to be some hardcore independent woman who doesn't rely on anyone else; NO. this is meant to tell you that you are yourself; and for being that, you need to know that you deserve SO MUCH BETTER.

when someone talks badly behind you about your back, ignore him/her. he/she's not worth it. sure, confront him/her so you can trace the root of the problem, but if he/she refuses to talk and instead challenges you to a fight, MOVE ON. YOU DESERVE SO MUCH BETTER than a stupid, pointless, catfight that 'supposedly' proves who you are.

when someone tells you you're not good enough, without proper basis, leave him/her be. he/she's baseless, and won't really contribute much to your life. of course, i'm not saying you shouldn't listen to anyone who critiques you--i'm just saying that you need to see the basis, the solidity of the argument, before you go beat yourself up for making a mistake like that. again. YOU DESERVE SO MUCH BETTER than hollow, baseless, and useless criticism.

and finally, the most common example.

when you fall in love, and the guy doesn't love you, or falls out of love for you, be sure to have a closure, and then move on. the problem with most people who insist they can't move on is that they likely missed the closure. everyone needs to talk; to have a definitive end to something. you deserve as much as that. however, once you've talked, and you've had your closure, girl, please...

MOVE ON. YOU DESERVE SO MUCH BETTER.

you're beautiful, wonderful, a masterpiece of the Creator; thus, it is a given that you are destined for greatness. each time you feel like giving up, or going back to something that you know isn't good for you anymore, just remember that. aside from the fact that you deserve so much better, you are also destined for greatness.

so don't let that person who called you 'nerd' or 'igat' behind your back destroy your reputation.

don't let that person who told you 'you're not good enough' ruin your talent and potential.

moreover, don't let that guy who broke your heart dictate your future.

because you deserve better, girl. because you are destined for greatness. :)

Hello Stranger

2008-08-07T17:12:00.003+08:00

hello stranger. have we met? oh. i see. we've never been formally introduced.

i'm emiko antonette escovilla. you can call me ems. all my friends call me that.

what? what was that? oh. you saw a falling star? wow. they do fall without warning, huh. but i bet they're beautiful.

have i seen one? no. not really. i haven't really taken the time to observe the sky. and besides, most of the time the skies here aren't clear; it's either it's really cloudy due to the rainy weather, or some high-rise building has covered it all up.

what? i should take the time to watch? well... fine. but only for a short while. i still have a lot of things to do.

...i think i saw one. it really falls fast, huh. it's amazing how we can still see it despite its seeming wish to escape the human sight. what was that? oh. of course it's beautiful.

did i make a wish? no. i didn't. i don't believe in that.

what was that? oh. you have to go. hmm. okay then. i have to go too.

will we see each other again? hm. you're not sure either, huh. oh well. i guess we just have to leave it to fate. what happens, happens, right? right.

well. bye. take care. and yeah, i'll be watching out for more falling stars. and maybe the next time we meet, we can compare numbers... hm? i'm sorry, i didn't quite catch that.

stranger? stranger? hey!

...oh well... i guess it's goodbye for now...

stranger. :)

We've Gone So Far

2008-07-27T21:59:00.002+08:00

ohmy. i loved dinner tonight. i discovered a lot of things about my childhood. eto ang ilan o:

1.) When I was two years old, someone called up at home. I answered the phone, and the conversation went like this:

Me: Hello, good morning.
Older Friend of my Lola: Hello. Sino to?
Me: Si Miko po.
Older Friend of my Lola: Aah. Mik, pwede makausap si Fiscal Escovilla?
Me: Bakit? May problema???

OHMY. hindi ako makagetover. i mean. tama ba??? hahahaha. bata pa lang kamaldita ko na. craaaaap. hahahaha. :)

2.) When I was four years old, sumakay kami sa jeep ni mama. At ang ginawa ko, namasada ako. Ako ang naging conductor. Ako ung taga-sigaw ng, "MATINA! MATINA!"

3.) When I was four years old(ulit) pinuntahan ko tita ko sa workplace niya. Bale nauna kami ng tita ko d'on sa doctor na assigned sa clinic nila. Kaya pagpasok ng doctor, ganito ang sinabi ko:

Doctor: (kakapasok lang)
Me: Hi DOC! Ba't ngayon ka lang???

HAHAHAHA. grabe. ano kayang reaction nung doctor no??? hahahahaha. kafunny ko lagi talaga nung bata ako.

4.) Nung one time, four years old pa rin ako, nasa Bunawan kami. May pagandahan sila d'on. At ako raw, nakisalo raw ako. Nagparade2 din ako. Tapos, nung program part na, kumanta raw ako. At ang aking kinanta ay walang iba kundi ang...

"MY HEART WILL GO ON"

WAAAAAAAAAH. kaulaw. parang. wow. ginawa ko pala yan lahat nung bata ako??? hahahaha. :) wala lang. makahappy siya, at the same time makaemo. i mean. parang ang nilayo na ng nilakbay ko, kung kaya't di ko na siya maalalang lahat. sigh. pero. wala. amused pa rin ako sa mga ginawa ko. hahahaha. :)

meet he who makes me happy. :)

Emo Nonsense

2008-07-25T22:33:00.003+08:00

waaah. i'm... overwhelmed. emotional. crazy. i need a stabilizer.

for two weeks now i haven't cried. and biglang. watching the video of 3xavier reminded me of all the good times i've had with my family and friends; all the laughing, all the crying. all the shallow and deeply-rooted fights. all the climbs up the roller coaster, and all the sudden plunges. all the beauty of the green grass, and the white walls, and the clear view of mt. apo.

it's almost the end of the first quarter. i've done a lot of things. but there are still a lot of things i have to do. there are still a lot of people i have to meet. there are still a lot of people i have to thank. there are still a lot of people i need to hold and talk to.

shit. kaemo. at napakawalang-sense. walang patutunguhan ang post na 'to. it's all made out of raw emotion. (gaaah. must blame the freaking tears.)

i should stop talking now though. baka may paiyak pa ako. one wet pillow is enough for the world. it's already suffering too much.

i need more time. please.

Breaking Free

2008-07-23T21:05:00.002+08:00

emo 'tong blogpost na to. swear. kaya kung wala kayo sa mood na maging emo tulad ko, huwag niyo 'tong basahin. haha.

this week has been happy. it's been hectic, yeah, but it's been left... undisturbed by those depressing thoughts. i remember that at one point in time i said i'd wait happily, but the reality is, i found out, that waiting is never a happy process. it's always... an anxious process. it'll bring out the worst in you. no matter how much we want to convince ourselves that we can wait for something so uncertain with big, bright smiles on our faces, it won't happen. it can't happen. because we're human. we have endless wants. we grow impatient.

so back to the point. i haven't been thinking about it lately. but when i did find the time to think, i came to several conclusions: i have a life; my happiness relies solely on me and not on other people; i need to rearrange my priorities, and finally, i have been very, very selfish and narrow-minded about a whole lot of things.

so granting all those conclusions, i came to one point: it's time to free myself. it's time to free him. it's time to free the both of us. it's time for me to love myself, and it's time for him to learn how to love himself too. it's time for a lot of things, particularly this thing we call: self-realization.

so there it goes. the decision of the week. probably of the month. :)

and no, i won't regret anything. because i'm sure now. :)

i'm breaking free. :)

Happy Days, Jolly Weeks. :)

2008-07-18T21:09:00.002+08:00

"if i should die before i wake, binangungot ako. OKAY? hahahaha."

oo. nagjojoke na ako ngayon. HAHAHA. :) wala lang. it's been so long since i've had so much fun. the week has been freaking hectic, yes, but i dunno, the fact that it has been hectic, is i guess what made it SO MUCH FUN.

i met new people this week. and the new people are really nice. ang kyut2 nilang lahat. hahaha. and the club also had its elections, and i'm really happy about the results. lol. (ano 'to, monopoly?) wala lang. i mean, diba? after four years of being in the debate club, being president is just... it's gotta be one of the best achievements i've had in my whole high school life. it's living proof that kahit papano, dreams do come true. just wait for them to. :)

and i haven't been thinking of 'that' for quite some time now. yeah, it may be like running away from the problem, but... i don't think it is. i'm waiting anyways, so why worry while wait right? i may miss some significant things that'll stumble along my path, just cause i was blinded by my worry. i don't want that to happen. so from now on, i'll wait with great joy and enthusiasm. LOL. funny lagi 'yon. basta. i'll wait HAPPILY. :)

so yeah. this blog is happy. hahaha. thus the joke sa taas. wag na kayong umangal, OKAY??? hahaha. :)

this could be the start of something new. :)

Mahirap

2008-07-11T22:05:00.003+08:00

mahirap kang abutin. mahirap kang intindihin. mahirap kang mahalin.

mahirap kang sirhan ng pinto. mahirap kang talikuran. mahirap kang lubayan. baka kasi may pag-asa pa, at kapag nasayang ito, baka ako lang din ang masasaktan; ako lang din ang luluha at maghihinayang.

ngunit mahirap ka ring buksan ng pinto. mahirap ding maghintay sa'king tinatayuan. mahirap ding tumunganga na lamang habang ika'y nag-iisip. baka kasi, mauwi lang sa wala, at masasaktan lang uli ako, tulad ng nangyari dati. baka kasi masusugatan lang din puso ko, at hindi na ako makapaghahanap pa ng hihilom nito.

mahirap. mahirap. napakahirap.

dahil mahirap kang abutin. mahirap kang intindihin. mahirap kang mahalin.

'di to para sayo. huwag ka nga. haha.

First Day Narration

2008-07-09T20:46:00.002+08:00

masaya ako today, definitely. kahit na masakit magsalita, okay lang. masaya pa rin ang araw ko. haha. especially since he told me, 'i'm impressed!!!' HAHAHA. oo, alam ko, igat at buang ako. 'di ko na yan pinagkakaila. HAHAHAHA. :)

pero. what made my day today, is the fact na things just felt... right. pagpasok ko ng school, binati ko ang guard ng magandang umaga. binati rin niya ako, biniro pa nga niya ako. (oo. fc kami ng guard. HAHAHA.), and from there, wala na. nag-umpisa na ang masaya kong araw. tapos may nadiscover pa talaga akong something about kay anna... (insert smug smile here. hahaha.)

and i got to see my new friend ulit! hahaha. ang cute niya talaga. kung pwede siyang dumugin, dumugin ko siguro siya. pero, shy siya. kaya, wag na lang. baka maconvert pa yon dahil sa kabadingan ko. hahaha. :)

and the day ended just as perfectly. grabe. he's impressssseeeed. HAHAHA. o, can you top that??? IMPRESSED SIYA, MGA TOL. hahaha. so yeah. wala na. inspired na ako for the rest of the week. and i am soooo gonna keep on smiling until my teeth fall out. hahahaha. :)

but wait. counseling session bukas. i hope maayos na ung ibang mga... machorvang chorva. ung mga hindi ko kayang ayusin on my own. sana lang talaga maayos na.

this is the ultimate test.

Stepping Back

2008-07-08T21:31:00.002+08:00

thanks to the wise words of my new 'kuya', i've realized a few things, namely:

1. i need to know myself.
2. i need to know what i want.
3. i need to know my limitations; what i can handle, and what i cannot.
4. i need to know my strengths; what i'm good at, and what i can definitely ace.
5. i need to learn how to love myself.

and...

6. i need to take a step back and look at things from a different angle.

it's time to take a break, guys. it's time to take a break.

Remote, Anyone?

2008-07-06T19:38:00.005+08:00

i seriously need a remote control right now. specifically, i need a remote control that has a rewind button, a pause button, and a fast forward button. OR. or. since desperate times call for desperate measures, i'd want an "erase" button to also be present in this special remote i'm looking for. i'd really want something like that. RIGHT. ABOUT. NOW.

remote, please appear. or if not, someone throw something big and heavy at my head so i can get amnesia and forget everything. i'll be forever thankful if you grant this desperate need.

your smile is my euphoria and biggest demise.

Chronicles of my Weeeeeek. Haha. :)

2008-07-06T10:51:00.000+08:00

grabe ang linggong 'to. so many... happenings and realizations. diba elly??? hahaha. :)

monday pa lang. parang. "WOAH" na kaagad. andaming pang kinailangan gawin para sa org. fair. good luck sa last-minute planning ng decorations para sa debate club booth tsaka sa ibebenta. diba, mga anak??? hahaha. :)

tapos pagkatuesday, mas "WOAH" pa. nawerla ako sa decoration para sa booth, na hindi rin naman natapos on that day. hahaha. tapos with all the realizations about waiting, and patience. waaaah. ambot. tuesday's supposedly the lightest day of the week, pero... o_O i don't think my tuesday was really light. mabigat siya bai. mas mabigat pa sa isang daang tonelada. AYYY. ano ba ems.

wednesday. eto. evidence of my stupidity. I LOST MY PURSE. in it were many important things, like my PMO receipt(sob), some pictures, and the money I was saving up for my supposed 'date' with a friend whom I haven't heard from for a long time. dalawang lessons ang natutunan ko dito: a.)magpalibre na lang kasi(according to elly and yana), and b.)huwag nang mag-ipon(according to breva). HAHAHA. :) pero seriously. i learned na katanga ko talaga. and that due punishment should be exercised.

thursday. ehgaaad. nosebleed ang quiz ni bro sa math. i honestly think i failed that quiz. pero on the other hand, i was glad, kasi the debate club was earning money. milkbars, ice pops, cloud nine, big bang, choco mucho, juice, water. ewan ko san nila ninakaw ang mga bagay2 na yan, pero I PROUD YOU mga anak. ang galing2 niyong magbenta. hahaha. :)

friday. FRIDAY. i will not deny na nawerla din ako sa araw na 'to. i swear, i worry too much sometimes. according to brevs, obsession siya, pero... i don't know. pano man din ako hindi magworry diba??? anyways. yeah. svc-iltsw's first day... okay man. medyo magulo. pero i think the student volunteers didn't mind it too much. AND. AND. i met a new friend that day. JESHA SALADAGA. :)

saturday. waaaaah. haha. wala. masaya ako sa araw na 'to. sige kaming tawa ni elly at yana sa mcdo, for nor reason in particular. and inadopt ko rin si jesha this day,(welcome to the family, anak) which means i have 16 children now. HAHAHA. :) nang lumalim ang gabi though... ewan. let's just say... madrama siya. at magulo. hahaha. :)

anyways. ayon. there goes my... eventful week. hahaha. at ang masasabi ko lang tungkol diyan...

MASARAP ANG MABUHAY, PARE. :)

sabi niya magulo raw ako. pero hindi niya alam bakit. haha. :)

Mahal na mahal Ko Kayo :)

2008-07-02T20:56:00.000+08:00

haha. i don't know if it'll make sense, but...

napamahal na talaga ako sa mga anak ko. hindi lang sa isa, pero sa lahat. as in. ewan ko bakit. basta lang. mahal ko na talaga kayo. nabihag niyo na puso ko. HAHAHA. :) basta, i'm telling you. i love you guys so much now. my only regret is that hindi ko kayo nadiscover earlier. mahirap kasing maghukay ng diyamante sa malalim na butas. kaya, sorry natagalan. pero, i plan to make our year together memorable. pramis. :)

sa barkada ko naman. MAHAL KO PA RIN KAYO. as in super. kaya kahit na hindi tayo masyado nagsasama ngayon, wag niyo na 'yong bigyan ng malaking halaga. mas kailangan lang ako sa kabila. pero pramis, magcocoordinate na naman ako ng outing. siguro sa birthday ni kriza? haha. basta. magsasama uli tayo, para masaya. :)

sa dalawang grupong nasambit ko ang pangalan sa blog na 'to, dapat lang malaman niyo to:

MAHAL NA MAHAL KO KAYO. :)

Tonight's Two Cents. :)

2008-07-01T20:17:00.000+08:00

okay. this is like, going to be a really long blog. cause i'm gonna divide it into two parts: first one, about the radio show we did just this Sunday, and well, another thing. hahaha. :)

the radio show. wow. it's just. gaaaaaaah. i mean. you know the whole adrenaline thingy? yeah, i bet you know how it works. i know you've all had those moments, when you feel that the whole world is yours, and that you're so pumped you can do just about anything and everything. THAT'S HOW I FELT THAT NIGHT. it was like. gaaaaaaaah. parang, lumulutang ako. i can't even remember what i said. but. it's like, that whole experience, when i remember it, can keep me smiling for... CENTURIES. seriously, when i went to bed that night, before i fell asleep, i can swear that i said, "i could die now." YES. it was that euphoric.

however, that night really wouldn't have been complete without the people supporting us. to those guys who listened, supported us through text, and called, salamat talaga. i like, love you guys to the fullest, highest, maximum(ano pa bang mga words dyan) degree. it's like, over the clouds na ang pagmamahal ko sa inyo. hahaha. kung may gusto kayong ipagawa, as in super, gagawin ko talaga para sa inyo. just say the word, and i'll do it. (syempre, dapat moral yan ha. may dignidad pa rin ako pare. hahaha.) basta ayon, salamat. salamat, salamat, salamat. :)

note to end the first part of the blog:

do it again. :D

now for the second part... hm...

i don't know, but, it's just now that i'm learning the true meaning of the line "patience is a virtue." truly, as assuming and as 'know-it-all-ish' it may seem, before this thing happened, i'd thought that i knew what that meant--but now i realize that i know nothing of its true meaning, actually. i am not a patient person; i don't know how to wait. i want things to happen when i say i want them to happen.

but now i know better. now i know the meaning of the words 'wait' and 'patience'. and, really, i'm so thankful that i'm aware of the true meaning behind these two words. i think it isn't easy knowing and practicing these two values, thus the line 'patience is a virtue.', so i'm just really... glad, i guess, that i learned of it before things could take a turn for the worst.

yeah, i know the second thing isn't making sense anymore. but hey. it doesn't matter. it's freewriting! hahahaha. :) good luck na lang sa mga hindi makaintindi. sa mga makaintindi, congrats. or... i don't know, too bad for you at alam niyo??? hahaha. :)

so overall, i'm really thankful that this week's happening. i can't say it 'happened' yet, cause it really isn't over, but right now, i just know: i can take on the world, and everything it manages to throw at me, because i've got everything i'll ever need with me. :)

Still Looking Forward

2008-06-28T11:50:00.000+08:00

I don't know why I'm feeling this way.

Yes, I did miss you a lot. I still miss you. I mean, we've met, we talked for a while, we even hugged, but... I don't know. I get this nagging feeling that makes me long for more. And honestly, I don't know if that's a good thing or a bad thing. We're friends, and we don't seen each other often, so I guess it's natural that I'd want to be with you, spend some time with you, and talk to you, but... I don't know if I'm feeling more than that. If this whole 'i miss you' thing means something more than I give it credit for.

Sigh. I am soooooo lost.

But. As the title states.

I'm looking forward to our next meeting. No matter what I find out.

Where All Logic Is Lost

2008-06-22T16:25:00.000+08:00

I don't know why I feel so good today. I just do.

It's like. The moment the day started, the feeling of overwhelming joy just overtook me and washed over me in waves. All I could do the whole day was laugh my head off, even if nothing was really particularly funny. (I'm not insane ui. Please. Hahahaha.) I just... I don't know. I feel so light today, like I could look my dog in the eye and tell it, "Woah doggy. You looking gooooood todaaaaay." (Even though his black hair is slowly turning white.)

It's like. I have sunlight following me all around. It's like. I'm glowing, like that star from Starudst. (I forgot her name. All I know is that she was played by Claire Danes.) It's like. I'm on Cloud Nine, and I've stayed there so long that my head's already filled with the cold air from the upper half of the ozone layer, causing me to act so insane today.

I don't know why I feel so good today.

I just do.

And boy do I LOVE IT. :)

Breakfast With You

2008-06-21T21:57:00.000+08:00

Breakfast at McDo reminds me so much of you.

It reminds me so much of how we talked about my desire for coffee the previous night; how we thought it'd be a good idea to test out all existing coffee shops; how I suggested that we try out a particularly near coffee shop first; how we eventually agreed to meet at a cheaper fastfood chain the next day to buy me coffee, and how we both committed to waking early despite our deepest need to stay in bed longer.

It reminds me so much of how early I woke up the next day; how quickly I chose my clothes; how I hurriedly left the house, forgetting breakfast; how I told you I was on my way, when in fact, I was still getting a jeep and being picky about it.

It reminds me so much of how quickly I crossed the street to get to the designated meeting place; how, upon reaching the establishment, I saw you sitting alone in one of the tables, with your favorite earphones stuck in your ears; how upon seeing me, you took one out and smiled at me.

It reminds me so much of how I ate breakfast, with you sitting, talking, and laughing with me all the time; how you told me my bag was boring because it contained nothing interesting; how you looked me so many times in the eyes and smiled, making me feel all warm and tingly inside.

Breakfast at McDo reminds me so much of you, and how I forgot that instead of coffee, I ordered hot chocolate. :)

This Year's Checklist

2008-06-21T20:38:00.000+08:00

Enjoy the rain at least once. Translation: Dapat makaligo na ako sa ulan!!! Hahaha. :)

Lie on the grass, for as long as my heart wants to. No such thing as 'dumidilim/gumagabi na', no; it should be on my own time, my own parameters.

Do something memorable for my classmates. I have something in mind, but I'll see if I find something better.

Watch a movie with the ADIK family. Or at least eat somewhere with them and just have senseless fun.

Save and buy people really good gifts for Christmas. This time, I mean it. :)

Go insane and twirl countless of times in the field. I'll do it until I fall down, and the sky spins. ASS, samahan niyo ako ha. :)

Make people happy. Make people smile. Make people laugh.

LIVE. LOVE. LAUGH. :)

how the adik family came to be...

2008-06-21T13:04:00.000+08:00

I had nothing to do, really. I was just sitting in front of the computer, chatting senselessly with one of my children(coughellycough), and downright bored with my ability to type. Thus, when the idea of having something to do crossed my mind, I immediately grabbed the idea and did the job.

Meet the ADIK family.

Of course, we start off with the dear head of our dysfunctional family. Ma. Kristine Karla Quero, or mom, as she'd like me to call her; the main root and cause of all this havoc. (What? You're thinking I brought about this? Tch. 'Course not.) She's a single mom, due to the fact that her husband--my dad--died sometime during one of their honeymoons. If I recall right, mom told me that they were aboard one of the biggest cruise ships, when during the second day of the trip, the ship hit an iceberg. Dad wanted to save mom, and her two new-born babies(yes, she gave birth while she was on that ship), so he let her take the lifeboat. However, mom was insistent that they should go together, and thus let some strangers in the lifeboat hold the babies, while she searched for dad. She never found dad. And when she came back to the lifeboat, it had already disappeared. Mom was forced to ride another one, and she never saw her two babies ever again.

However, back at land, mom did have us: Sheldon Walter Wong, her eldest, and the genius of the family(he invented Tekken. JOKE), and yours truly, Emiko Antonette Escovilla, the schizophrenic. As a family, we were really...bonding, I think. We had good relationships, and we(I'm not so sure of this) loved each other. Thus, when mom came back from the disaster, saying that she wanted to adopt children--she wanted to make up for the two children she lost at sea--we immediately agreed, not knowing that there was actually an age requirement for the mothers who wanted to adopt. When mom went to an orphanage, she was told she was too OLD to adopt, and thus, her dreams were shattered.

This is where my best friend/co-worker, Kevin Paredes, comes in. I told him of my family's ordeal, knowing that he had a family himself, and could easily understand my own problems. I told him how mom was growing more and more depressed with each passing day, and how Sheldon and I couldn't agree on what to do. Kevin listened...

and then he introduced a brilliant idea.

He asked me to adopt his little sister, Cristine Paola Breva. At first, I was shocked. I mean, why in the world would he ask me to do that, right??? But as he explained to me that he was financially challenged, and couldn't provide for her anymore, it all made sense. Kevin knew his little sister would've had more of a future with us, than with him. And so, I agreed. I adopted my first child, Cristine. Or Brevs, as I'd like to call her.

Mom was happy with Brevs, as was Sheldon. She was bubbly, fun, and despite her squeaky voice, had an adorable laugh. They couldn't get enough of her. So much so that after two weeks of having her, mom decided that it was time I adopt another. Of course, as a working woman, I hesitated; I doubted I'd be able to handle another one; but mom, being the spontaneous person that she was, went ahead with it without my permission. She posted an ad that said, "Wanted: Babies for Adoption" outside the door one night, and the next thing I knew, I had octuplets lined up in front of my doorstep. The one who had left them behind were nice enough to leave name tags, so I really didn't have to worry about the names. They were: Ma. Eleanor Reserva, Gea Shanine Sedayao, Alyana Ysabel Gutierrez, Arthur Davin Jr., Paolo Ungab, Louie Dubouzet, Sophia Villasfer, and Kevin Luke Mizon.

Now, I had a total of nine children.

GREAT. Curse you, mom.

Now I had to worry about finding a nanny. And a butler. But apparently, for every stroke of bad luck you have, there's always good luck just waiting to cross your path. That good luck came to me in the form of two people: Kriza Faye Calumba, who applied and immediately got hired as a nanny, and Mc Vincent Karl Nierra, now the family butler. These two people practically saved my lives; and until now, I think--or at least, I hope--they're taking good care of my children.

But wait. The story doesn't end there. Because, right after I found my nanny and my butler, I adopted another child: Shane Liane Villaluz. Now, Shane had a family, really, she did. But after seeing her perform in the musical "Phantom of the Opera" as Christine, I just had to adopt her. She sang soooooooo good. And her acting was way, way beyond superb. So, to Shane's parents who're missing her right now, I apologize, but... SHANE IS MINE. HAHAHA.

After Shane, the family just got bigger. The next child I adopted was now one from the international picture: Melissa Doctor. On a business trip to Vietnam, I saw Mel walking around the dangerous streets, wearing tattered clothes, and I couldn't help but feel that it'd be wrong to just leave her out there. Thus, I took her in, and officially made her my eleventh child.

I found my twelfth child on the way back to the Philippines. (Yes, I found him on an airplane.) Mel had to use the bathroom, and of course, since she was still young and naive, I had to accompany her. The stall was occupied when we got there, so we waited for a few minutes. Then the minutes turned to hours. And the hours turned to days. (Kidding.) But after thirty minutes, we had to wonder: why was the person inside taking so long??? So I asked the stewardess to check the bathroom, and much to our surprise, in there we found a small boy, crying for his parents. We asked him what he was doing there, and where his parents were, but all we could get from him was this: "Parents dead. Sucked into toilet bowl."; and I couldn't really ignore the fact that he was alone... so... I have Jacobo Luis Ayala now. My twelfth kid.

My thirteenth child, Diandra Lourdes Cembrano, I adopted out of kindness. Dia was the playmate of my octuplets, and well, I couldn't stand the fact that she had to go home to an orphanage everyday, right after she'd finished playing with my kids. I adopted Dia, and now, not only is she just playmates with my kids, she's also their sister. Their kind, loving, sister who apparently hates the butler. HAHAHAHA. :))

So here it is.

You have officially met the ADIK family.

Would you like to be a part of it now??? :))

Reminders Of What "WAS"

2008-06-20T22:41:00.001+08:00

"I walked; I ran; I jumped; I flew right off the ground to float to you. There's no gravity to hold me down for real."

I don't know why this line has been running in my head all the time this week. Among all the possible lines in the song "No Air", this has been the only one that's effectively managed to stay in my brain for more than a week. It's been there too long, actually; so much so that I can already picture out the words written in the font Monotype Corsiva--and as if to mock me, it's scrolling upwards, as though it were some credits in some hit movie. Yes, that's how solid it is to me. And yes, it's beginning to annoy me.

But somehow, I've got an inkling as to why this line's been hammered into my deranged system.

It's supposed to have stayed in the past, but... sometimes, the memories just have to come back, either to remind you to appreciate each living minute you have in this cruel and unfair world, or to mock you of your failures and shortcomings. Whichever it is, you can never really totally forget the past. And mine is coming back to haunt me right now.

What happened during the past few weeks--I don't know any other adjective fit enough to describe those events, other than the word "euphoric". During those times, I still grinned like an idiot, laughed like a hyena, cackled like a witch, joked around like a professional stand-up comedian, and flew like a newborn eagle that wanted to see how far his wings would stretch, and how far they would take him. I literally floated during those times. I was more than happy during those times.

But... it's only a 'was' now. It's only 'those times' now. It's not an 'is'; it's not a 'now'. It's a WAS.

And I guess that's what those lyrics are trying to tell me. I walked. I ran. I jumped. I FLEW.

And somehow, I crashed and lost everything.